Epilogue November 21, 2023
Toto 2011-2023
EPILOGUE- November 21,2023
The final diagnosis was heart failure, but nothing could’ve been further from the truth. While his body gave up, nothing failed in this cats heart till the very end. There wasn’t a day in his life that his heart didn’t give something to somebody. Whether it was a small child at the library, or a senior citizen in a nursing home dementia unit, Toto’s heart gave and gave and gave. If there was an animal whose heart was ever too big, it had to have been Toto. With a kind of gentle nature that never ever tilted towards being angry or bitter, Toto gave everything, every day, to everybody who asked of him. Just 10 days before he left us, he provided a library full of children the opportunity to hear his story and to meet him, and hopefully pay it forward to other animals.
While maybe the rest of his body failed, I find it so hard to think that it was his heart that ended everything. In over 1000 car rides I could see how his feet and joints would give out from all the jumping in and out and excitement of travel. Visiting over 500 different schools and libraries, is belly might have given out from all the treats he got. His paws might have become fat from all the miles he traveled, maybe even his eyes went because of all the things he got to see, but no, no, certainly not his heart. I can see how his eyes would give out from all the wonderous things he got to see. I could even see how his fur would give out from being petted so many times, but his heart- of course not his heart - there’s no way that would ever fail. It was preposterous I thought when the vet said heart failure. There’s no one on earth, or any other animal that has a bigger heart than his - it should be overflowing .
True, unrequited love is really the one thing that Toto excelled at. There is never more of an animal who provided more head butts and nuzzles to those in need and never asked for anything more in return. He deafly traveled to all his events, and at any turn was the ultimate showman. Never a bite, a scratch or meow on every frequent adventure that I dragged him to. Each visit, wherever it was, he sat accepting the love of all and providing each person the opportunity to interact with them, and receive something in return. I am so honored to be able to have traveled to so many places with Toto, and to be amazed at his generosity and kindness. Truly, an animal like him is one in 1 million. His ability to light up a room wherever he went, and to bring a smile is a trait I wish I could have.
Up until the very last minute when I held him, he looked into my eyes and I know he said “I’m here for you just like you’ve been here for me”. There is a hole in my heart that nothing will ever feel except the good memories of the kindest and sweetest pet I ever knew. I am so grateful he came into our lives and was able to be in so many other lives too. I refuse to believe that he died of heart failure, because there is nothing bigger than his heart.
On June 1 of 2011, some 12 years ago an incredible opportunity came into my life. It was the day of a devastating tornado that passed over Western New England and affected the town that I live in in Brimfield. Many people suffered that day. Hundreds lost their homes, many were injured, and some died. The grief and tragedy that is shed from a natural disaster, or any event like this in one’s life, is unfathomable. I was lucky. The material things that I lost that day can be easily replaced. The ones around me that I love survived. What happened that day though is more incredible. Working as a paramedic in the town of Brimfield the day after the tornado, a tree worker brought in a little six day old kitten. Unable to care for him, overwhelmed with the whole situation, and still in shock from a tornado which ravaged our town the small kitten brought a ray of sunshine to a fire station that was in chaos. Like all the other human survivors, we did the best we could to keep this little fellow alive, and eventually passed him on to a local animal shelter in Boston.
Recovery is often measured in time, but also is measured in how you personally come to grips with the events that have caused you some trauma in your life. Four weeks after the tornado our town was piecing itself back together, the tiny kitten that had come into our lives briefly at the Fire Station returned to live at my house. Now called Toto, this feisty little cat who had survived a tornado himself would go onto become an emblem of not only our town, but what it means for me to have an opportunity to make a difference in other peoples lives. Toto’s amazing journey of survival prompted me to write a small children’s book called Toto the tornado kitten. Little did I know over the next 12 years that this amazing cat would take me on a journey that would introduce me to so many people and provide me an opportunity to make myself a better person, and try to change the world around me. Together Toto and I travel to over 500 different schools, libraries, and nursing homes as we shared his story with others. In doing so this amazing cat provided love to all who ran into him and was able to raise over $76,000 for locally animal shelters. But more than that he provided me a tangible way to see the good in something that happens so awful to so many people.
I knew in my heart that the project could never go on forever. With an incredible cat every day, I was amazed by his outgoing nature and loving demeanor. There wasn’t a single day that his incredible courage and kindness radiated from his paws and eyes and shine light on everybody who came in contact with him. Whether it was a trip to the bank or the fire station, or a visit to a local school this amazing cat brought joy to so many people.
Alas, all good things must come to an end. Several weeks ago, his health began to decline, and despite the interventions of our amazing vet team, it was decided that his time would come. I was with him up until the very end. He never gave up. He was a fighter and we gave him the peaceful ending that he would’ve wanted. While my heart is heavy, I am so happy and enjoy the time that we spent together. I could never have asked for more incredible animal to accompany me on a decades worth of adventures. Our time on earth is limited here, both cats and humans - and we must cherish what we have. My heart is broken, but I will go on and find another adventure.. I miss you so much buddy.